How can there possibly be this huge spectrum of personalities? Today this adorable older gentleman bought roses for all the girls in my pharmacy. We hadn't done anything special for him. He just wanted to show his appreciation for everyhing we had previously done. Today this other less than adorable older gentleman called me autocratic (which I honestly thought was a made up word until later) when I wouldn't give him more medication than the doctor had allowed. After much badgering back and forth, I explained that our conversation was over. He could choose to leave or he could keep trying to convince me to break the law to save him money. However, I did explain that if he did continue to loudly and rudely express his distaste for my decision, he would be asked to leave and not return. His answer to that was, "Screw You" which I didn't take kindly to and banned him from the pharmacy. In the ROYGBIV of rainbows (you know....red orange yellow green blue indigo violet) one of them was definitely red and the other my favorite color; violet. I was assured by the staff that he had caused them grief in the past and had actually made a few of the staff members cry. But even so...is it possible that he is just mean? He has a wife...why did she choose him if he is always so crabby? Is there more to him that for some reason we have been unable to see? Are some people just less nice?
So I guess my goal is to be the violet kind of person...and try to avoid being in the presence of (and actually just being) a red. Perhaps we can all learn from my adorable older gentleman and send out some random acts of kindness so when others look back on their day, they can see the shades of purple that are hiding those shades of red.
And on another random tangent....when it looks like life has handed you the impossible, remember this.
Isis is the goddess of motherhood, magic, and fertility. She is also the goddess of children from whom all beginnings arose. Isis is the goddess of my personal struggles in life. I want to portray moments or snap shots of my life in a humorous manner in hopes that sharing my experiences may decrease the pain of others in similar circumstances. The journey has many twists and turns but I hope all will find their successful end.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
In Memory of Lisa Marie Rendall
This was taken from the C95 website this morning. I needed to share this. If ever you think you can not go on, remember this amazing woman. In her deepest darkest days, she found incredible strength and made a huge difference in so many lives. Rest in peace.
In Memory of Lisa Marie Rendall
Lisa Marie Rendall was born and raised in small town Saskatchewan. Her career as a radio personality started at CJSL in Estevan in February of 1984 shortly after she graduated from Western Academy of Broadcasting in Saskatoon. In May she joined the staff at CKIT and CKCK radio in Regina where she spent over 7 years of her career playing easy listening music on CKIT. The next career move came in 1990 when she joined the staff at CJWW in Saskatoon and was happy to return to playing country music. In 1992 she moved to Toronto and helped sign-on a brand new country FM station, CISS FM. She stayed there for over 4 years until the pull of the prairies became too strong. Lisa returned to Regina in 1996 where she worked at Z99, and then moved to Saskatoon and the morning show at C95 in November of 1997.
Rob, Lisa and Rambling Dave were the number one radio morning show in Saskatoon when Lisa was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer after a vertebra in her neck collapsed. The cancer had spread to many areas of her body including the vertebra in her neck, as well as throughout her spine, ribs and liver.
Lisa Rendall lived with incurable Stage 4 (metastatic) breast cancer for eleven years. This is an incredible feat given the median survival rate is 2.5 years. During these eleven years, Lisa was a motivational speaker who took the audience through her journey in a way that not only entertained, but educated and inspired. Lisa shared her story many times through radio and television interviews, magazine articles, newspaper interviews, and as a motivational speaker.
Lisa made it her mission to raise as much money as possible for breast cancer research in Saskatchewan. To date, over 2.5 million dollars has been raised for breast cancer research at the Saskatchewan Cancer Agency through events such as the C95 Radio Marathon for Breast Cancer Research and the Lisa Rendall Golf Classic. Named as one of the Top 40 Women Over 40 in Canada by More magazine, Lisa was a dedicated warrior in the fight against breast cancer and an engaging speaker who brought audiences to laughter and tears as she told her compelling story of diagnosis, living with incurable cancer, and fighting back when it progressed.
On New Year's Eve 2010, CTV Saskatoon named Lisa as the 2010 CTV Saskatoon Citizen of the Year! Though Lisa’s condition remained stable until February 2010, when tests revealed the disease was progressing. Lisa underwent many sets of chemotherapy to attack the disease. Sadly, Lisa passed away this Wednesday, April 13, 2011.
Lisa will be sorely missed, not just by the C95 team and the Rawlco family, but by the whole community and the people whose lives she touched.
Official Site of Lisa Rendall
Rob, Lisa and Rambling Dave were the number one radio morning show in Saskatoon when Lisa was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer after a vertebra in her neck collapsed. The cancer had spread to many areas of her body including the vertebra in her neck, as well as throughout her spine, ribs and liver.
Lisa Rendall lived with incurable Stage 4 (metastatic) breast cancer for eleven years. This is an incredible feat given the median survival rate is 2.5 years. During these eleven years, Lisa was a motivational speaker who took the audience through her journey in a way that not only entertained, but educated and inspired. Lisa shared her story many times through radio and television interviews, magazine articles, newspaper interviews, and as a motivational speaker.
Lisa made it her mission to raise as much money as possible for breast cancer research in Saskatchewan. To date, over 2.5 million dollars has been raised for breast cancer research at the Saskatchewan Cancer Agency through events such as the C95 Radio Marathon for Breast Cancer Research and the Lisa Rendall Golf Classic. Named as one of the Top 40 Women Over 40 in Canada by More magazine, Lisa was a dedicated warrior in the fight against breast cancer and an engaging speaker who brought audiences to laughter and tears as she told her compelling story of diagnosis, living with incurable cancer, and fighting back when it progressed.
On New Year's Eve 2010, CTV Saskatoon named Lisa as the 2010 CTV Saskatoon Citizen of the Year! Though Lisa’s condition remained stable until February 2010, when tests revealed the disease was progressing. Lisa underwent many sets of chemotherapy to attack the disease. Sadly, Lisa passed away this Wednesday, April 13, 2011.
Lisa will be sorely missed, not just by the C95 team and the Rawlco family, but by the whole community and the people whose lives she touched.
Official Site of Lisa Rendall
Monday, April 11, 2011
Sometimes you have to reach for the mystery dessert.
My favorite dessert of all time is Baklava. I remember the first time I ever had a bite of that gooey dessert. My life was forever changed. And given the opportunity to reach for Baklava, I'm sure I would pick it almost every time. But what if there was a piece of the Right Slice Lime Pie behind door #1? I could eat a whole Lime Pie but one piece of Baklava is so sweet that it's all I can handle. How do you decide?
That pretty much sums up my life since Saturday. I love my job. I have the opportunity to work with wonderful people. We have great rapport and I feel like a part of a fantastic team. I am incredibly lucky to say that I enjoy going to work. I have been with the same company since my second year of pharmacy; first as a student, then pharmacist, then manager. They have provided me with amazing experiences. They are my Baklava.
But on Saturday I was offered the mystery dessert. It sounds absolutely amazing. I will still get to wear my management hat, but I will get to learn so many new things, I will be in an incredible environment, and I will have better hours which will allow me to spend more time with my family. I think that the mystery dessert is going to be Lime Pie, but only time will tell. Honestly, all dessert is good, but hopefully I have picked the best one.
And so today I shared my news with my colleagues...who were incredibly supportive. I hope that I have not disappointed them too much with my decision and I hope that they will see this as a fantastic opportunity for me. I am at a crossroads and I have decided which way to head but only time will tell if it is the right way.
It's not fair that I am lucky enough to love one job and be offered another that I think I will love just as much. Farewell friends, colleagues, managers, bosses, patients, Starbucks....I will miss you!!
Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!
That pretty much sums up my life since Saturday. I love my job. I have the opportunity to work with wonderful people. We have great rapport and I feel like a part of a fantastic team. I am incredibly lucky to say that I enjoy going to work. I have been with the same company since my second year of pharmacy; first as a student, then pharmacist, then manager. They have provided me with amazing experiences. They are my Baklava.
But on Saturday I was offered the mystery dessert. It sounds absolutely amazing. I will still get to wear my management hat, but I will get to learn so many new things, I will be in an incredible environment, and I will have better hours which will allow me to spend more time with my family. I think that the mystery dessert is going to be Lime Pie, but only time will tell. Honestly, all dessert is good, but hopefully I have picked the best one.
And so today I shared my news with my colleagues...who were incredibly supportive. I hope that I have not disappointed them too much with my decision and I hope that they will see this as a fantastic opportunity for me. I am at a crossroads and I have decided which way to head but only time will tell if it is the right way.
It's not fair that I am lucky enough to love one job and be offered another that I think I will love just as much. Farewell friends, colleagues, managers, bosses, patients, Starbucks....I will miss you!!
Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Douche bag. Dill Hole.
And all the other random inappropriate names I can think of. A little bit of kindness goes a long way. Last night on my way home from work I was very surprised to find the site of an airplane crash right beside the road that I commute to work on every single day. Traffic was diverted to one lane, but it was still possible to drive by it. I want to take a moment and say how incredible it is that more people weren't killed. The pilot made the best of an impossible situation and saved lives in the process. Wow! But back to the name calling. Today after work I went the same way home...okay, I'll admit it. I wanted to see it again as it seems totally crazy to see that sort of thing right in the city. But today the road was closed as transport Canada was investigating and cleaning up the site. Traffic was a mess of confusion. This poor man ended up beside me with his signal light on and looked sadly at the fact that traffic was totally backed up and he needed to get into my lane. Lately it seems like as our city grows, less and less people are willing to let you in or help you out. You could tell that he assumed he was going to be stuck there for a long time. I tried to get his attention to let him know that I was going to let him in but he didn't look my way so I honked my horn and pointed in front of me to let him know. Unfortunately the car in front of me assumed I was honking at him....for absolutely no reason as the light was still red and we were just waiting...so he opened his window and gave me the finger. Ugh.
So I am now on my detour and headed down a road that I usually do not take home. There is lots of traffic because everyone is getting diverted this way. I am trying to cross over into the right lane so I can exit onto my highway and go home. But of course....no one wants to let me in. I am signalling right...you know the universal language for car wants to move over...but I am repeatedly ignored. I finally get across and the truck in front of me wants into my lane too. He is also using the universal sign....you know, the signal light. But he is familiar to me. He's my friendly driver from the finger incident minutes earlier. And I let him in....because that's what we're supposed to do.
I hate those people who zoom in and out of traffic, putting lives in danger only to end up beside me at the next traffic light. Are you sure you are saving time? To those of you who don't signal because you don't think it's necessary...think again. You're not doing it for you anyway....it's so I know what you're planning. It tells me I can turn left because you're doing the same. It tells me that you are going into the same lane that I want and that I should be careful. It gives me an idea that you are about to cut me off because you want into my lane....and it gives me the opportunity to just let you in the easy way. And to those of you who rush to the front of the closed lane even though you have had tons of notice that your lane is closed up ahead....why should I let you in after I patiently waited my turn? Why is your time more important than mine? And to the cars that won't let me into the line up at Tim Hortons....too bad for you because when I have to wait a long time to get in, I often pay for the coffee of the car behind me to say thanks. You other jerks can buy your own coffee. Did you know that when the lane is ending and the traffic has to merge, it is actually the cars in the lane that is ending that have the right of way? So just let them in...do you really want them to run into the wall? And just so you know...those merging cars aren't always in the clear either....would it kill you to speed up and try to get into the flow of traffic? Oh yeah...and that thing on the side of your steering wheel is that signal light thing I was talking about earlier.
We have all been stuck in a situation where we could use some kindness...so why not offer it to those around you? Drive smart...considerate and safe. We all have somewhere we need to be. Instead of being a dumb ass.....Drive With Aloha!
So I am now on my detour and headed down a road that I usually do not take home. There is lots of traffic because everyone is getting diverted this way. I am trying to cross over into the right lane so I can exit onto my highway and go home. But of course....no one wants to let me in. I am signalling right...you know the universal language for car wants to move over...but I am repeatedly ignored. I finally get across and the truck in front of me wants into my lane too. He is also using the universal sign....you know, the signal light. But he is familiar to me. He's my friendly driver from the finger incident minutes earlier. And I let him in....because that's what we're supposed to do.
I hate those people who zoom in and out of traffic, putting lives in danger only to end up beside me at the next traffic light. Are you sure you are saving time? To those of you who don't signal because you don't think it's necessary...think again. You're not doing it for you anyway....it's so I know what you're planning. It tells me I can turn left because you're doing the same. It tells me that you are going into the same lane that I want and that I should be careful. It gives me an idea that you are about to cut me off because you want into my lane....and it gives me the opportunity to just let you in the easy way. And to those of you who rush to the front of the closed lane even though you have had tons of notice that your lane is closed up ahead....why should I let you in after I patiently waited my turn? Why is your time more important than mine? And to the cars that won't let me into the line up at Tim Hortons....too bad for you because when I have to wait a long time to get in, I often pay for the coffee of the car behind me to say thanks. You other jerks can buy your own coffee. Did you know that when the lane is ending and the traffic has to merge, it is actually the cars in the lane that is ending that have the right of way? So just let them in...do you really want them to run into the wall? And just so you know...those merging cars aren't always in the clear either....would it kill you to speed up and try to get into the flow of traffic? Oh yeah...and that thing on the side of your steering wheel is that signal light thing I was talking about earlier.
We have all been stuck in a situation where we could use some kindness...so why not offer it to those around you? Drive smart...considerate and safe. We all have somewhere we need to be. Instead of being a dumb ass.....Drive With Aloha!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sticky fingerprints. I don't care. The toys are spread out everywhere.
Don't clean your house for me. I know you think that I will think you are a better person because I didn't see your messy house. But honestly, it just makes me think that you just won't be invited to mine. I am not a clean person by nature. My bedroom as a teenager looked much like the hoarders on television...okay no dead animals or rats, but still quite impressive. My urge is to leave the mess and push it aside as required. I know that is not acceptable so I do clean as needed...but mostly I count on my housecleaner to do the work. I am grateful that she is so awesome. I am a full time mom, a full time wife, and a full time pharmacy manager...that leaves me too tired and too busy to clean the toilet. It is hard enough to find time to pick up the toys...which I rarely do anyway.
It is instinctual to instantly look around and try to tidy when someone is coming over. I may do the dishes or pick up some toys, but it takes a lot more than that to fix it up in time. If you let me see your house at its worst, I am more likely to invite you over to mine. If I have spare time or a day off, I want to spend it with my family and my friends. I want to sleep late and hang out in pajamas...I do no want to set the alarm so I can clean before you come over.
If you stop by unannounced, you will find my house in disarray. Deal with it. I do. I used to get embarrassed...now I just think that if you don't like it, stay away. I used to clean for guests and didn't want anyone to see my messy house. Now I let my housecleaner do the work and hope it makes it through the week. FYI...my housecleaner comes on Wednesdays so come over Thursday if you want my house to be clean.
Oh yeah...and stop cleaning up so much. You have to already know that everyone else cleans right before you come over. Stop obsessing. Let's change the expectation so we can spend more time doing the things we love....and less time mopping the floor. It's a revolution!!
It is instinctual to instantly look around and try to tidy when someone is coming over. I may do the dishes or pick up some toys, but it takes a lot more than that to fix it up in time. If you let me see your house at its worst, I am more likely to invite you over to mine. If I have spare time or a day off, I want to spend it with my family and my friends. I want to sleep late and hang out in pajamas...I do no want to set the alarm so I can clean before you come over.
If you stop by unannounced, you will find my house in disarray. Deal with it. I do. I used to get embarrassed...now I just think that if you don't like it, stay away. I used to clean for guests and didn't want anyone to see my messy house. Now I let my housecleaner do the work and hope it makes it through the week. FYI...my housecleaner comes on Wednesdays so come over Thursday if you want my house to be clean.
Oh yeah...and stop cleaning up so much. You have to already know that everyone else cleans right before you come over. Stop obsessing. Let's change the expectation so we can spend more time doing the things we love....and less time mopping the floor. It's a revolution!!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sex....A Requeim
Have you seen the bank commercial where the woman leans over and tells the man that it is time...and the man has no idea what she is talking about. Then the banker whispers in his ear and he smiles. If this was real life, he wouldn't have smiled. Honestly.
Infertility means sex on demand and sex on demand makes for annoying and depressing sex. Sex with the flu, sex when you are hung over, sex when you have a headache (for real!)...eventually wears on you to a point where sex becomes the means to an end. It is no longer a way to connect with someone you love. It is something to be discussed with doctors and planned on charts. It becomes a chore.
And you can't let it go because after years of planning and obsessing, you are too scared to miss an opportunity in case the time really is now.
I'm not going to get into my sex life....something has to be private, but it is hard to get passed the memory of the organization. The opportunity to be spontaneous is foreign.
I think that there is something about being sexual beings that has to do with being fertile. A man feels like less of a man when his boys don't swim and a woman feels less womanly when her uterus is hostile. It is hard to get those things off your mind when you are obsessing constantly. And if you don't feel womanly (or manly) it is hard to be sexual.
I know this is an awkward conversational topic, but I don't want people to think that they aren't normal. Everything about infertility sucks....just put this on the list.
Infertility means sex on demand and sex on demand makes for annoying and depressing sex. Sex with the flu, sex when you are hung over, sex when you have a headache (for real!)...eventually wears on you to a point where sex becomes the means to an end. It is no longer a way to connect with someone you love. It is something to be discussed with doctors and planned on charts. It becomes a chore.
And you can't let it go because after years of planning and obsessing, you are too scared to miss an opportunity in case the time really is now.
I'm not going to get into my sex life....something has to be private, but it is hard to get passed the memory of the organization. The opportunity to be spontaneous is foreign.
I think that there is something about being sexual beings that has to do with being fertile. A man feels like less of a man when his boys don't swim and a woman feels less womanly when her uterus is hostile. It is hard to get those things off your mind when you are obsessing constantly. And if you don't feel womanly (or manly) it is hard to be sexual.
I know this is an awkward conversational topic, but I don't want people to think that they aren't normal. Everything about infertility sucks....just put this on the list.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Celexa...Friend or Foe?
First I feel the need to explain that I do not think I am less of a person because I take an anti-depressant. I can only describe post-partum depression as being chased down a dark foggy tunnel to nowhere. You are totally and senselessly afraid of nothing and wandering through darkness in hopes of reaching the end of something you totally can not understand. Anti-depressants gave me peace and sunlight and I will be eternally grateful.
I am a pharmacist and for some reason people think that pharmacists love medication. Don't get me wrong...if medication became extinct, so would my job. But medication is a chemical and every chemical we put into our bodies needs to be assessed for risk vs.benefit. Medications are tested thoroughly but they never know it all. Tons of times there are medications that we have thought to be safe for years only to learn later that they are doing something harmful to an unrelated part of the body. I am not trying to create fear. Medication saves lives ALL THE TIME. But the benefit of the medication should be better than the risk of harm to decide that you need to take the medication. As an aside...please don't stop your cholesterol medications. I spend every day explaining that even though you can't feel high cholesterol it still matters. High cholesterol increases your risk of heart attack and stroke even though you can't feel it. The benefit of taking these medications is cardiovascular health....and I sort of think your brain and heart should be healthy...therefore the risk in this case is is lower than the benefit of taking the medication. Blah...blah...blah...
I still love Celexa. It gave me my life back. I made a deal with my husband and my doctor that I wouldn't even consider stopping it until spring. Spring brings sunshine on its own....so maybe I don't need Celexa to do it as well? Celexa is relatively safe, but as I said before, I am not a fan of adding chemicals to your body that are not required. My only issue is that I don't know if the Celexa is required.
In hindsight, I have experienced some depression in the past. One really cold winter in university, I felt as though I was drifting through life in a bubble from which I could not escape....totally weird, I know...but perhaps depression played a role in that feeling? And I know I was not myself during our infertility journey. One should not cry that much or that often. So...do I need an anti-depressant or not?
I feel more at peace now than I ever have before....but is that because I have a wonderful life with a wonderful husband, a wonderful family, a wonderful job, and a wonderful home? Or is because of all those things and a little magic pill called Celexa? My instinct says that I am fine and that a slow taper of Celexa would leave me exactly where I am now. But what if I am wrong? My life is way more hectic now than it was during my "inability to cope with life" post-partum days. I still have two kids (but I do get a lot more sleep now) but I also manage a crazy busy pharmacy, work full-time, attend swimming, gymnastics, and soccer (blog regularly :) and try to keep in touch with my friends. I don't really have time for a breakdown at the moment.
I don't think the answer is available tonight. But I do need to know if my good friend Celexa is needed or if it can be become a distant memory of a good friend who got left behind.
I am a pharmacist and for some reason people think that pharmacists love medication. Don't get me wrong...if medication became extinct, so would my job. But medication is a chemical and every chemical we put into our bodies needs to be assessed for risk vs.benefit. Medications are tested thoroughly but they never know it all. Tons of times there are medications that we have thought to be safe for years only to learn later that they are doing something harmful to an unrelated part of the body. I am not trying to create fear. Medication saves lives ALL THE TIME. But the benefit of the medication should be better than the risk of harm to decide that you need to take the medication. As an aside...please don't stop your cholesterol medications. I spend every day explaining that even though you can't feel high cholesterol it still matters. High cholesterol increases your risk of heart attack and stroke even though you can't feel it. The benefit of taking these medications is cardiovascular health....and I sort of think your brain and heart should be healthy...therefore the risk in this case is is lower than the benefit of taking the medication. Blah...blah...blah...
I still love Celexa. It gave me my life back. I made a deal with my husband and my doctor that I wouldn't even consider stopping it until spring. Spring brings sunshine on its own....so maybe I don't need Celexa to do it as well? Celexa is relatively safe, but as I said before, I am not a fan of adding chemicals to your body that are not required. My only issue is that I don't know if the Celexa is required.
In hindsight, I have experienced some depression in the past. One really cold winter in university, I felt as though I was drifting through life in a bubble from which I could not escape....totally weird, I know...but perhaps depression played a role in that feeling? And I know I was not myself during our infertility journey. One should not cry that much or that often. So...do I need an anti-depressant or not?
I feel more at peace now than I ever have before....but is that because I have a wonderful life with a wonderful husband, a wonderful family, a wonderful job, and a wonderful home? Or is because of all those things and a little magic pill called Celexa? My instinct says that I am fine and that a slow taper of Celexa would leave me exactly where I am now. But what if I am wrong? My life is way more hectic now than it was during my "inability to cope with life" post-partum days. I still have two kids (but I do get a lot more sleep now) but I also manage a crazy busy pharmacy, work full-time, attend swimming, gymnastics, and soccer (blog regularly :) and try to keep in touch with my friends. I don't really have time for a breakdown at the moment.
I don't think the answer is available tonight. But I do need to know if my good friend Celexa is needed or if it can be become a distant memory of a good friend who got left behind.
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