Practise what you preach

The month of January 2010 is a complete blur of tears, clouds, and complete failure.  During the worst of my post partum depression, I was very honest with the world as to what I was going through.  I was too burned out and too tired to try to put on the mask that most women say that they wear during their struggles.  It was only once I was better that I realized that I was embarrassed by my struggle to become a mother of two.  I try to readily share my story with everyone so that if they have similar experiences they know that they too will be okay.  But when a friend of mine has a baby and makes it through with shining colors, I am jealous that they are better than I.  I don't wish this on anyone.  I only wish that I wouldn't have had the experience.  I wish that I too could say that I survived the newborn/toddler stage with shining colors.  But alas, it was not to be...and so I continue on being me.
I have always been honest about all of my struggles to become the mom that I am.  I want my friends to be able to come to me and share their personal experiences and to know that I will never be judgemental.  I want to be a source of information for those with similar struggles.  And mostly, I just want to be able to be happy about who I am. 
I believe that if we all were to share our struggles with the world, we could erase some of the stigma surrounding post partum depression. (and infertility too) This is where the "practise what you preach" comes in.  I am a pharmacy manager at a grocery chain.   I was recently transferred to a different location.  It is most convenient for me to get our prescriptions at the location that I work, but before the transfer was complete, I stocked up on my anti-depressant Celexa.  I wanted to start at the new location with the idea that I was a strong "whole" person.  I planned to keep my depression a secret until their opinions of me were fully formed.  However I was put in a position this week where it was proper to share my experience.  It is now out in the open and it didn't make any difference. 
But I have to remember that if I want others to be open about their situations, I have to be ready to be open about my own.  I need to practice what I preach. So once again I will shout out to the world, "I love you Celexa."