Dear New Mom:

I don't care how you become a mother...adoption, the "good old fashion way", or through fertility treatments.  It doesn't matter how much you wanted it, there are some things you need to know.  These are the things that no one tells you because they are too busy pretending that they didn't happen to them.  Stop pretending.  Let's make the expectations more like they should be and share the fact that being a mom isn't always easy....


Dear New Mom,
Becoming a new mom is emotional.  You will be filled with love, fear, guilt, and joy.  When these hit all at the same time it can be a bit much.  You will be amazed at your ability to love your child.  You will be terrified that you won't know what to do when they need you.  You will be sure that you won't do everything right.  And you will feel incredible joy.  There will be moments when you think you made the wrong decision and you will crave the ease of your life before children.  (Yes, even those of you who want this so badly for so many years.  It may seem crazy but it is true.)  It is overwelming to be needed 24 hours a day and to not know for sure when your baby will want to eat again, if they are getting enough food, and when they need to sleep.  There is a such thing as post-adoption blues and it can progress into post-adoption depression.  Some of it is hormonal...not unlike when breastfeeding mothers leak when they hear babies cry, an adoptive mother experiences a rush of hormones when they become a mother.  The rest is the same as post-partum depression...sleep deprivation, loneliness, lack of alone time, insecurity.  It is normal to feel guilty about craving some of the ease of your childless life...even if you wanted it for a long time.  Do not add to your guilt by thinking you do not have the right to feel this. 
The first six weeks of having a newborn are wonderful because you have this amazing bundle of joy to cuddle and love.  A very honest friend saved my life when she told me in those first weeks that it gets much better at the six week mark. Yes, it's true.  Those first weeks are so hard...no sleep, painful breastfeeding, so much crying, no routine.  It all gets somewhat better at the six week mark...so now there is something to look forward to.  It gets better again at the three month mark and continually improves after that.  Don't worry...you will sleep again.  I have no idea when because you get used to your sleepless nights and don't really notice when it improves.  If you have other children in your house, you are going to feel guilty that you can't be as good of a mother to them during this time.  Remember that you get to spend extra time with them during this maternity leave.  The youngest will get the least amount of time.   Most importantly...this too shall pass.  Even though it is a difficult time, you will look back on it fondly.  Your baby was so cute and cuddly.  A new routine will appear and you will no longer remember what it was like to live without this child.
For now just survive. 
Lindsay