I wouldn't change a thing

The whole time we were trying to have a family I wanted to get pregnant so badly every month.  And when our first IVF failed I was incredibly sad that those particular embryos were never going to be my babies.  At the time I wanted it all to be over so badly.  I didn't want to have to try so hard to get the thing that came so easily to many others. 

I wouldn't change a thing.

If I was given the opportunity to go back and get pregnant that first month, I wouldn't take it.  I would never take away all that pain if it meant changing anything about the family we became.

I am the luckiest person in the world.  I am luckier than those people who got pregnant the first month because I beat the odds.  I have the most wonderful family.

I wouldn't change a thing.

This weekend was absolutely crazy.  I think there is a small part of me that loves chaos...okay, well maybe it's not that small.  This weekend we had pseudo-Christmas with my family.   We attended Lily's gymnastics gala.  We had a Jack's 1st birthday celebration.  It is finally quiet in my house and while I am absolutely exhausted, all I can think about is how lucky I am.

I can't believe Jack is one already.  How is it even possible that a year could fly by so quickly? Why is my tiny infant so big? And why is he learning to walk?  Jack has amazing personality for a one year old.  He loves music and loves to dance.  He purposely tries to be funny to make you laugh.  He says "ahhh" after he takes a big drink of milk.  He makes kissy noises to get your attention.  And he cuddles...mmm.  He has the biggest brightest blue eyes and thick golden hair.  I was so sure I wouldn't be able to love him as much as I love Lily...but I fell in love with him the moment he was born.

I can't believe my beautiful baby girl had her first performance.  She's so cute that you want to keep squeezing her...even though she rolls her eyes and says, "But mom, I'm a big girl."  She is so gentle and sweet.  I wasn't sure she'd be able to go out in front of all those people, but she was fantastic.  I am so incredibly proud of the person she is becoming.  She loves anything artistic...dancing, singing, drawing, painting.  And she is  wonderful at it.  Her mischievous brown eyes are so dark they are almost black and her silky black hair shimmers in the sun.  No one is able to love their child more than I love her.

As I listen to the silence in our house while they sleep, I know in my heart that this is the mom I was meant to be.  I wouldn't change a thing.