Lasts

Jack turned one last week.  Although the possibility is there, I really think we are done having kids.  I can't help but think that we are blessed to be the parents of two beautiful, funny, healthy, happy kids.  I'm honestly scared to rock the boat.  There was a time in my life that I was so sure that I was never going to have this opportunity.  Who am I to ask for more?  There are no guarantees that we are finished...but like I said before, I really think we are done. 
Watching your kids grow fills your life with firsts.  Their first bath, first tooth, first word, first step... But lately I have been thinking about lasts.  I am trying not to mourn the lasts but to instead take a moment to celebrate them.  It seems like lasts sneak by without anyone noticing them.  You are amazed to look back and realize that the last of something already occurred without you paying any attention.
I never knew that my last IVF injection was my last.  I had no idea that it was going to work and that we would be finally finished with such a discouraging yet exciting time of our lives.  I took a million pregnancy tests with Jack, every time enjoying the appearance of that beautiful pink line.  I had no idea he would be born two weeks early and that my last positive test was actually my last.  I have heard that for "normal" people often their first test is their last...I however fondly disagree.  I tested the entire nine months I was pregnant feeling the same excitement grow as the line appeared quicker and darker.  
I have no idea exactly when Lily took her very last bottle.  I do know that Jack is getting close.  It is funny that we want to wean our kids to move them forward onto sippy cups and then cups without lids, never taking the chance to notice that their independence has grown and they no longer need us to rock them as they drink their milk.  I celebrated Jack's last nursing because it had been such a struggle, but I know there were good moments.  I breastfed Jack while sitting on main street at the Western Development Museum.  It is one of my few fond memories of breastfeeding.  We go there a lot.  I had no idea that breastfeeding would be long over before I returned to main street with my formula fed baby.   Jack no longer needs to be rocked to sleep at night.  I have no idea how that happened.  It is so nice to be able to shorten the bedtime routine, but I know I am going to miss those moments of having him or Lily asleep in my arms.  I have no idea when they both started solids, but I know they no longer need me to feed them their baby cereal.  I remember the moment Lily learned to walk, but I can't remember the last time she used her fantastically fast crawling abilities to get around.  We are headed that way with Jack.  I will be so excited to see him walk.  I know he wants to walk so badly.  But I will miss the determined way he makes every movement as he crawls and that tiny little bum shaking its way across the floor. 
I know that moving forward is the way we live life.  I know that we need to celebrate our children's successes and independence.   I just want to stop taking for granted the struggles of parenting toddlers and infants.  I know already that I am going to love watching my kids become adults...but boy am I going to miss this!!