January 3rd

The weeks before Christmas always seem to zoom by.  It's impossible to see everyone you want to and there are all the little details to get finished...and then Christmas is here.  It always seems to show up out of the blue.  The problem with the time speeding by is that this year it is also the end of my maternity leave zooming by.  Although this maternity leave had a rocky start, I have loved the life of a stay at home mom.  Although even if I could be a stay at home mom financially, there is something about me that needs to go to work. (Perhaps less days would be better though.)  I am proud of what I do and I enjoy what I do.  And besides that, I enjoy eating my lunch alone sometimes and I love peeing with the door closed.  But in saying all that, I love being home with my kids.  I am trying to stay positive about going back. The advantage to going back to work on January 3rd is that everyone around me seems to be taking time off for Christmas and they all go back January 3rd too.  And I have a bunch of friends who go back January 3rd after their maternity leaves too. 
I try to remember how lucky I am.  I have two wonderful healthy children, a husband who loves me, family that fight over us (maybe a bit too much!), and a safe and happy place to live.  Going back to work is a small issue in the scheme of things.  But the thought of Jack napping somewhere else most days of the week instead of his crib, the thought that someone else gets to drop off and pick up Lily from school, the thought that even Scott will have more time with my kids than me, makes me sad.  Aren't moms supposed to be the primary parent?  I am so happy that our kids are in daycare less than full time because he has the opportunity to work less...but I would love to be the part time worker.  Unfortunately I am unable to keep my current position and work part time. 
Going back this time is much easier than last time because I know what to expect.  I know that the kids will be clingy until they get used to their new routine.  I know that the lady who takes care of them is wonderful and that she already loves them both.  I know that I will be able to juggle all the things that need to be done and that even though I will be incredibly tired the first few weeks, I will indeed survive.  And I know that when it comes down to it, I am going to cry all the way to work on that first day.
The trick this time is that I am starting a management role in a new location.  I will have all new staff and new routines.  I will have some things to learn and some things to change.  Under normal circumstances this would be an exciting change, but it is not the place to be teary on your first day back.  I will be tough and I will fool them all. 
If you pass a sobbing woman on your way to work on January 3rd, know that I will be okay.  I already know I will.