The gigantic spider (as big as your head) climbs up the water spout...

I have been to Hawaii quite a few times before, but this is my first time with kids.  Hawaii is an absolute wonderful place for families.  I am not trying to deter you nor am I complaining.  I am having the most wonderful time in paradise.  I just wanted to share a few things that my kids have helped me learn.

Kids only like specific hats.  You have to keep trying until you find the perfect one.  When you have finally found that perfect hat, he will finally keep it on his head...but only if you soak it in water first.  That way it will keep his head cool.  We have yet to find the perfect shoes.

Innocent geckos that eat bugs are just that...until your one year old decides that they are lunch.  Fortunately they are faster than Jack so none have met their unfortunate demise.

Those Hawaiian roosters that annoyed you pre-kids actually mean it's morning to your kids.

The sunrise really is more beautiful than the sunset.  It's the beautiful sign that you are starting another fantastic day.  The sunset really does mean the end because we have yet to stay up longer than an hour after the kids go to bed.  Chasing the kids in the Hawaiian sun is incredible fun, but it's not relaxing.

I did actually get to lay on the beach and relax.  It was really nice...until Lily dumped a whole bucket of sand on my head..."Wake up, mommy!"

I had visions of my kids running around in the backyard.  It is gorgeous with fruit trees, plumeria, and poinsetta shrubs.  But there are huge spiders....they scare me, not the kids, but still.

It takes a little while for the kids to realize that the ocean is fun.  Give them some time to warm up to it and they will love it.

The best part of the train ride through the rainforest is when you stop to feed the wild pigs.  They are super gross and ugly, but well-loved by all kids.

A child who has never walked outside before and who will not wear shoes, will freak out the first few times they are set down on unknown surfaces...these include sand, grass, and the sidewalk.

Hawaiians are the first people who have not claimed Lily as one of their own.  They do not think that she looks like them.  A lot of Asians and Native people think she looks like them.  Also, I have yet to meet a Hawaiian who knows what Inuit means.  I thought that even though we do not call Inuit people Eskimos in Canada, they might know what Eskimo meant.  I got the same empty stare when I asked about igloos.  I made the mistake of saying she was from the north....north of what?  We're on an island.

Jack loves everything that we love....chili dogs, Cherry Coke, Kauai coffee, fish and chips.  That kid loves everything.  Lily, on the other hand, loves Pizzeta Pizza.  That's about it.

Kids help you to stop and smell the plumeria.  To look at the butterfly...and the spider...and the roosters.  Everything its so much more fun through their eyes. 

This vacation reminds me of when I was a kid.  I remember one time when we were camping and I asked my parents what we were going to do next.  We were sitting in our campsite relaxing.  They said that we were going to do this...meaning that we were going to continue to relax.  I remember being confused because we weren't actually doing anything.  I have thought of that moment lots over the last few days.  Everytime we stop for a moment to relax...or even to eat lunch, Lily asks what we're going to do now.  Can we go to the beach?  (Even when we are just walking back from the beach).  I'm glad they are so excited, but where do they get the energy?

Well, I gotta go.  We're headed to the luau.  I've been to a few before, but I am sure this one will be different with the kids.  I hope they LOVE it!!

Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun...

Just so you know, today the sun shone just for me.  The last few weeks in Kauai have been rainy.  We arrived last night after a long day of planes and airports.  As usual, the kids surprised me with just how good they are.  Not that I would have complained because today I woke up in paradise.

I have been to Kauai before.  The last time we were here was just prior to our first IVF cycle.  We spent our days dreaming on the beach of what we thought would soon occur.  I thought about how wonderful it would be to return to Kauai to see our little boy or girl running down the beach.  That seems so long ago.  But at the same time it is hard to believe that in four short years I became the mother of two wonderful children.  I guess it all depends on how you look at it.

The day began with the voice of my favorite girl at 3:45 am telling me she has to pee.  After using the bathroom she climbed into bed with us.  After thinking about it she realized that she loves her "new room" and headed back to bed.  A thankful me fell back to sleep.  At 4:30 am, Lily returned to our room and was greeted by a very awake Jack.  And that's when our day began.  If my kids ever got up this early at home I would not be happy, but I understood that the time change messed them up...and I was waking up in paradise.  We showered and ate breakfast and were out the door by 6:00 am.  We headed to Spouting Horn to check out the chickens, cats, ocean and sunrise.  We chuckled about the fact that this was our first Hawaiian sunrise.  We had seen many sunsets before.  We smiled as we realized just how much our lives have changed.  Then off to Walmart to buy some sand toys and other necessities.  To the beach by 9:30 am and to lunch at noon.  Ahhhh....nap time.  Scott and Lily headed into town to pick up groceries.  When Jack woke up we headed to the beach to play on the playground.  And then we headed to the outdoor mall to watch some hula dancing. Then supper where we were personally serenated by Ryan, a fantastic Hawaiian musician.  Then shopping...to a store that previously made me very jealous and sad.  Today, as I shopped in Sand Kids I thought about just how lucky I am.  Then a little drive, quick bathtime...and then Lily actually asked to go to bed.  Very simple bed time routine and then ahhh....relaxing in paradise. 

It has been one of my busiest days.  I have already eaten macadamia nuts, had a mai tai, had fresh Ahi, had a Kauai Kookie, had unsweetened iced tea, and a Kauai coffee.  I could not have fit all my favorites into one day without getting up so early.  And I get to do it all again tomorrow if I want to.

I believe that today was beautiful because Lily and I sang the Mr. Sun song all the way to Walmart.  Oh yeah...and yes, I do know that I am the luckiest person in the world.

Mr. Sun. Sun. Mr. Golden Sun.  Please shine down on me.

From one mom to another

Last October a young man went missing.  His family did amazing things to assist in the search to find him.  They put up posters, made videos, and put up a billboard along the highway.  Because of them, I feel like I knew him.  Police spent the last four months sifting through information and have finally made a break in the case.  They arrested two suspects on the weekend and unidentified male remains were found on the farm that police have been repeatedly searching. 
I didn't know Rob Vicente.  I had never heard of him or his family.  For some reason his disappearance affected me.  I saw posters of his face in the post office, gas station, and grocery store.  His mom was on the news talking about him.  His friends posted information about his personality and his childhood.  I found myself hoping his disappearance was a miscommunication...a mistake.
The police have known for a long time that he was no longer alive.  His family had been told.  I'm sure that didn't keep them from hoping that they were wrong.  Today that hope is gone.  I am so happy that they have some closure and that they don't have to go on wondering what happened to their son.  But one mom to another, my heart aches for his mother.  He was her baby.  I'm sure she rocked him, taught him his colors, and helped him to ride a bike.  His death was senseless.  I can't imagine their pain. 
I'm so sorry that it all ended this way.  I am sorry that the answers that they received were not those that they were looking for.  I hope for justice for their son....and eventually peace for their family. 
My thoughts are with you.

Popeye the Sailorman...and other providers of "Semen"

This post is rated at least PG-13 due to sexual content...now that I've got your attention, don't say I didn't warn you....

We often discuss the female role of infertility tests and treatments, but no one discusses the man's role.  And yes, he does have an interesting part to play.  If you ever walk through the hallway near the ARTUS office you will notice a small waiting room with three couches.  Just past that waiting room is the Andrology lab.  After abstaining from all types of ejaculation for three days you go to that little waiting room and look sheepish until your appointment time.  You then proceed to the Andrology lab to receive your brown baggy with cup and the key to the secret room.  The door to this room has a sign that says, "House cleaning, please clean this room after hours."  You just know that some unfortunate soul was the victim of an overzealous cleaning lady.  I'm not sure that you could get back into the mood following that kind of interruption.
The key to the special room unlocks the door to the little room with the rubber covered couch.  Do not let your mind wonder to thoughts of why the couch is covered in rubber or just how often the room is cleaned.  Instead, just for interest sake, wonder over to the locked cupboard and unlock it with your special key.  Inside is a selection of magazines (don't touch them...ew!) and 80's porn.  Feel free to select one if you wish however I have been told that "The 80's bush on those women is absolutely unsexy!"  And honestly, what is on the buttons of that DVD player anyway?  My suggestion is to take your portable DVD player with you and to stop at a XXX rental shop on your way there.  I'm not a guy but I'm not sure your imagination is quite enough to escape the awkwardness of the situation. 
And whatever you do...do not miss the cup.  Every little bit counts....and close only counts in horse shoes. 
Upon completion wash your hands and pack up the cup back in the bag.  As you wonder back to the Andrology lab keep in mind that yes, all the people giving you sympathetic looks do know what is in the bag. 
But don't be embarrassed.  Many have gone before you...and there's still lots to come.

Fate vs. Destiny

Okay.  Okay.  I know I said I would write about day 3 post-partum next, but one can never determine in advance what they might want to write about next.  Is that fate...or destiny?

Fate and destiny are terms that are most often used interchangeably.  They almost mean the same thing and so I will continue to use them this way, but just for interest sake there is a difference.  Destiny describes future events.  It suggests that decisions will be made that will ultimately end up in a pre-destined future.  Fate is a description of the past.  This means that no matter what decisions were made in the past, whatever happened would end the way it already has.  It was fate. If someone is going to be famous someday, it is their destiny.  If they are famous, it was fate that made them famous. 

I'm a believer to a certain degree.  I do believe in free will and I do think that making well thought out decisions is important.  However, I do think that my life will end up the way it is supposed to.  Maybe that's just taking the easy way out when I'm not sure what to do.  Regardless, it has all worked out so far.  I think I believe that different decisions will get you there faster and with less struggle and pain, but ultimately life will end up the way it is supposed to.  On the other hand, I do believe in guiding your kids to being good people.  I will not trust that it is their destiny to turn out okay.

I believe that fate brought our family together.  Watching my kids play, I am amazed at just how much they adore eachother.  There is no doubt in my mind that they were meant to be together.  They have no idea that they have different skin colors or that their hair colors couldn't be more opposite.  All they know is that Lily sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star when Jack is sad and it cheers him up immediately.  Jack chases Lily around and around the island in our kitchen and Lily loves every minute of it.  There was no way to know how our decisions would bring us here, but there is no doubt in my mind that this is exactly the way that things were meant to be.

Bath....three times daily as directed

Before Jack was born I was confident....probably too confident.  Even though Lily was one of those babies that needed to be held pretty much every wakeful moment, I was sure little Jack was going to lay on the floor and coo while I enjoyed quality time with my daughter.  My over-confidence also led me to believe that I was going to be released as soon as possible following delivery and we would all live happily ever after.  The rule at the hospital is that you have to stay until the day after you deliver.  This means that if you deliver two minutes before midnight you could be eligible for release within twelve hours, but if you deliver after midnight you have to stay until the next calendar day.  Jack was born at 12:32 am so we had to stay longer.  My dear 6'9" husband had to sleep on a little piece of foam for two nights and Lily was worried about us the whole time.  So when the doctor asked me if I needed anything, I said I wanted to be discharged as soon as possible.  I thought it was a good idea at the time.  I was sent home with the regular information including sitting in the bath tub three times a day...what new mom really has time for that anyway?
That night I realized I was peeing blood...not a little but a lot of blood.  I called the healthy and home nurse and she said I had to go into emergency right away.  It was midnight and I had to haul my newborn to emergency in -30 degree weather and sit in the H1N1 filled waiting room.  I was not happy about this or the possibility that I was going to have to have my first public breastfeeding experience there.  They used a technique called "waiting room medicine" and the triage nurse gave me a urine sample cup to take to the public washroom.  The people in there actually gasped when I walked through the waiting room with my blood red urine sample...my confidence was wavering.  Oh yeah...and this was day 3 post-partum...if you don't know what that means, stay tuned.  I will blog about that next time.  Anyway, the healthy and home nurse thought that I had torn my urethra during delivery but fortunately it was just a urinary tract infection so I headed home with my prescription.
The next day we had a visit from the nurse who took Jack's blood because he appeared a little yellow...okay he was really yellow but I didn't notice because I was in awe of my perfect beautiful newborn...oh and he was great at sleeping and didn't need to eat very often.  The perfect baby except that he was actually jaundice and needed to return to the hospital to be admitted.   I want to take a moment to think about parents of really sick kids because seeing Jack in the hospital for even that short time was really hard.  By the time he was admitted and assessed he was becoming unresponsive.  They wanted to get an IV in as soon as possible.  They asked me to leave the room because babies really cry when they poke them.  A half hour later I walked back in wondering why they hadn't done it yet.  He hadn't cried at all even though they poked him thirteen times.  The PICU nurse finally got the IV in and he was placed on light therapy.  I was encouraged to pump if I wanted and to give what I pumped plus formula but not to actually breastfeed because they were monitoring how much he was taking. 
My breast milk hadn't yet come in and all I was getting was a few precious drops of colostrum.  My confidence continued to waver.  They brought me a chair/cot to sleep on.  There was no where to take these precious baths that they had spoken so fondly of on the maternity ward.  I had to leave my baby alone to pump and I had to go to a friend's house to shower.  (The Saskatoon Children's Hospital Foundation radiothon is on as I type.  It is going to have better accomodations for parent's with sick kids.  I had no idea how bad we needed this until we stayed in pediatrics...what a dump!!)
Over the next six weeks I fought with my breastmilk and my urinary tract infection.  I took three different rounds of antibiotics and a handful of pills for breast milk production.  My confidence had vanished and I thought that I was wrong in assuming I could handle any of it. 
From there we started to see improvements.  I quit breastfeeding...I completely dried up in one day although I did get to feel the rock hard porn star boobs that everyone talks about for one night.  You are not supposed to dry up that quickly, so obviously something wasn't quite right.  And I started an antidepressant and finally kicked the infection. 
I guess things don't always go as planned...but it all ended with a "and they all lived happily ever after."  I think it all happened just because I didn't get those baths....three times a day as directed.