Popeye the Sailorman...and other providers of "Semen"

This post is rated at least PG-13 due to sexual content...now that I've got your attention, don't say I didn't warn you....

We often discuss the female role of infertility tests and treatments, but no one discusses the man's role.  And yes, he does have an interesting part to play.  If you ever walk through the hallway near the ARTUS office you will notice a small waiting room with three couches.  Just past that waiting room is the Andrology lab.  After abstaining from all types of ejaculation for three days you go to that little waiting room and look sheepish until your appointment time.  You then proceed to the Andrology lab to receive your brown baggy with cup and the key to the secret room.  The door to this room has a sign that says, "House cleaning, please clean this room after hours."  You just know that some unfortunate soul was the victim of an overzealous cleaning lady.  I'm not sure that you could get back into the mood following that kind of interruption.
The key to the special room unlocks the door to the little room with the rubber covered couch.  Do not let your mind wonder to thoughts of why the couch is covered in rubber or just how often the room is cleaned.  Instead, just for interest sake, wonder over to the locked cupboard and unlock it with your special key.  Inside is a selection of magazines (don't touch them...ew!) and 80's porn.  Feel free to select one if you wish however I have been told that "The 80's bush on those women is absolutely unsexy!"  And honestly, what is on the buttons of that DVD player anyway?  My suggestion is to take your portable DVD player with you and to stop at a XXX rental shop on your way there.  I'm not a guy but I'm not sure your imagination is quite enough to escape the awkwardness of the situation. 
And whatever you do...do not miss the cup.  Every little bit counts....and close only counts in horse shoes. 
Upon completion wash your hands and pack up the cup back in the bag.  As you wonder back to the Andrology lab keep in mind that yes, all the people giving you sympathetic looks do know what is in the bag. 
But don't be embarrassed.  Many have gone before you...and there's still lots to come.