According to...the kindness of strangers

Everyone always has the perfect advice.  Okay, even I am guilty of my personal suggestions from time to time.  But there is nothing worse than the advice or criticism of a stranger.  Lily was born on a Saturday and we were finally released from the hospital on Monday.  We drove as far as Regina and stayed with Scott's parents until Wednesday.  On the way home we realized that we needed stuff.  Babies need stuff...lots of it.  At that point we had a car seat, stroller, bassinet, a few sleepers, a small pack of diapers, and two cases of baby formula.  We were getting there but definitely needed some more stuff.  We decided to stop at Toys 'R Us on our way by.  We were feeling overwelmed by the baby section and Lily was crying.  She was officially 4 days old, we had just driven three hours, and she was literally with strangers (us).  Let's cut her some slack.  On the other side of the aisle were two women.  I overheard them saying that we were terrible new parents for taking such a small baby out to a germy, drafty, bright store.  And I felt immediately guilty.  Wow...it was only day 4 (day 2 out of the hospital) and I was already failing my baby.  It took months to get my confidence back.
The same thing happens when you are struggling with infertility.  Everyone knows that the moment you get married, everyone wants to know when the baby is coming...and they ask relentlessly, year after year, until something finally happens.  Once you have one, they immediately begin asking about plans for the next one...even if the first one is adopted.  Over the years I have received so many inconsiderate comments.  In some cases I know the person meant well, but it is tactful to be careful with the infertile.  I was told that I was going to regret putting my career ahead of having a family.  I was told I wasn't getting any younger.  I was told to relax, to go on vacation, and to have sex more.  A well-meaning co-worker who has two wonderful kids told me to just enjoy the time I had sleeping in and living my life.  I was told to try fertility treatments, herbals, massage, accupuncture, witch craft.  I was told not to do fertility treatments because they are against God's will.  I was told it would happen if I was just patient.  And of course, once we had adopted Lily we were told that everyone who adopts gets pregnant right after.  Just to clear that one up...Jack was created by IVF not adoption.  The best thing to say to someone struggling with infertilty is that you are there for them if they need anything.  Don't say that you know how they feel.  Don't think of a witty comment to take their pain away.  And when they do want to talk, just listen.  You aren't supposed to understand.
But back to the general inconsiderateness of strangers...when my daughter is standing in the cart, I don't need you to tell her to sit down...or to tell me that it is dangerous.  Trust me, we both know these things already.  I have just decided that it is not a battle that I want to battle that day.  If my kid has his coat done up and we are indoors, I probably already know that he's going to get hot.  I probably just haven't got around to unzipping him yet.  If my kids are eating fries, I probably feed them vegetables on another day of the week.  If my kid has a runny nose, I already know it, I just ran out of tissue because it has already been running for months.  And if my kid isn't wearing mitts and it is really cold outside, it's because I am teaching her a lesson for having a temper tantrum when I tried to put them on two minutes ago.  I know I am not perfect...so please do not point out the obvious.
Remember that everything we say has an impact...and remember that one comment in Toy 'R Us has stayed with me for over three years.  So...easy does it, smarty pants.