-Rosa Parks
On December 1, 1955 Rosa Parks refused to obey the bus driver's order that she give up her seat to make room for a white passenger. Following standard practice the bus driver noted that the front of the bus was filled with white passengers and there were two or three white men standing. He moved the "colored" section sign behind Parks and demanded that four black people give up their seats in the middle section so that the white passengers could sit. Years later, in recalling the events of the day, Parks said, "When that white driver stepped back toward us, when he waved his hand and ordered us up and out of our seats, I felt a determination cover my body like a quilt on a winter night."
-Wikipedia
I have heard that it is more common to experience racism here in Saskatchewan than most other provinces in our country. If you would have said that to me four years ago, I just would have shrugged. It's definitely not that I think racism is okay, I just hadn't really noticed that it was that big of an issue.
But in my opinion everyone is human and being human means that you can feel. What right does someone have to make another person hurt on purpose? The actions of others with the same color skin as yours does not mean that you will or will not make the same choices. Why should you have to pay for what others have or have not done?
There have been many times in my life when someone has told an inappropriate joke. I never really ever found them to be funny but I decided to chuckle along to avoid embarrassment. But one day a joke was told about native people (and they didn't say native people) in front of a very wonderful woman whose husband happens to be native. It was at that moment that I realized that these jokes are harmful. And by not saying that I think it is wrong, I'm just as bad as the person telling it.
Lily is Inuit. We are very proud that she is Inuit and have a great opportunity to learn about their history and culture in our country. We have decided that she is going to live in a racism free zone. I can no longer ignore comments or jokes, but have to approach the topic and explain why it is wrong. Unless, you specifically know Lily is Inuit, it is hard to decide whether she is Inuit, Native, Japanese, Korean, or Chinese. People of all different races have assumed that she is the same race as them. Therefore, I am completely amazed when someone who knows Lily still tries to make racist comments to me. They don't realize that often their collective comments include my beautiful daughter.
When Lily was only one year old a little girl at her daycare would not play with her because she had "funny skin". Fortunately the topic was approached early and a discussion about skin color fixed the problem. Lily wasn't old enough to know what was going on...but she is now.
We used to go to Indoor Playground. There was a mother of three little girls who would call her children back with excuses like "Here's a drink." or "Here's a cookie." everytime they would play with Lily. At first I thought that maybe Lily had done something to them but when it happened weeks in a row, I realized that her mom didn't like Lily because she was not white. Because I didn't want to make Lily aware of the situation, I decided not to approach that mother, but I still think about what I would say if I did.
We were at the swimming pool one day. I know that you are supposed to keep your kids within an arms length of you at all time, but we were in the paddling pool and there were kids everywhere. We were definitely not the only parents giving our kids some extra space. The lifeguard walked into the water and pulled Lily out by her arm. I ran over immediately and she was telling Lily that she can't be in the water without her parents. When I approached her and said she was my daughter she was embarrassed...and she should have been. She only approached the kid she assumed was native. I looked around at that exact moment and there were probably about ten other kids she could have pulled out as well.
I'm not sure this is a case of racism or just plain stupidity. Last winter I was in a store looking at winter jackets. Lily was on the other side of the rack. I couldn't quite see her but I kept peeking around to make sure she was still there. Suddenly this woman takes her by the hand and starts to walk away. I chase her saying, "Excuse me. That's my daughter." She looks at me blankly and turns away still pulling Lily along with her. I catch up and grab Lily's other hand. The woman looks and me and says, "I'm taking her to her parents." She points to an Asian couple near the till. I say, "Actually I'm her mother." She looks at me like I'm the crazy one but lets go and walks away...towards the Asian couple. She actually stopped and asked them if I had their child. I guess she's never seen an interracial family or heard of adoption before?
Just the other day I was at Extreme Pita waiting for our pita pizzas to finish baking. Lily asked to go to the front and look out the window. She was quietly looking out the window and not making any sound. A woman comes in and stands beside me. She keeps looking at Lily...and not in an "Oh she's cute." sort of way. Finally she says to me, "I can't believe her parents would just leave her here like that." Are you kidding me???? I walk over and bring Lily back to me. The woman looks embarrassed but doesn't say a word. Lily was being a very fantastically well-behaved little girl and that lady's personal feelings allowed her to see it as something completely different.
So remember, everytime you think of someone in a negative manner not because they have done something, but because you assume they are capable of something, imagine how that would feel if the situation were reversed. Remember that every word you say and every action you do is taken into consideration by your children and the people around you. There are so many things that are acceptable in our society that shouldn't be. Sometimes I find myself saying something without realizing what it really means. Sayings like "jewed them down", or "I was gypped" are harmful too. Jokes are not funny. And often assumptions are wrong. Make sure you understand how things really work before commenting on them. As times change, those that are racist will become the "bad guys" and they will be frowned upon. There have been many improvements over the years and it will only get better. Help to make the difference...not to drag it down.
And remember how harmful racism could be to my beautiful little girl...if we let it.
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