Life's Not Fair

After years of hating every pregnant woman (even ones I liked or people who's "turn" it was to be pregnant) I'm finally at peace with it all.  I am finally happy. My pain is gone but instead of my own pain, I feel the pain of those around me.  Through my personal life and through this blog, I have learned of so many other people's struggles.  If I could, I would fix it for everyone.  I wish that I could become the stork and drop off the right baby on every door step.  I have literally tried this before but have learned that intervening has its consequences and that even when you think you have some control of the situation...you do not. 
I have friends who are trying unsuccessfully, are trying fertility treatments, and those who are taking a break.  Watching everyone and through my own personal experiences, it is the dream of the future and the loss of that dream that breaks hearts everytime.  No matter how hard the journey, in my experience the loss of a baby is most painful.  I have seen embryos and become attached to them...only later to learn that they are gone, but never have I experienced a positive test only to have it later taken away.  I cannot begin to imagine that pain.  I have created imaginary families enough times without that positive.  To imagine what it would be like further down that road is impossible. 
People always ask what to say or how to help a friend struggling with infertility.  I wish I knew the answer to those questions for moms who have experienced a loss.  I wish I knew how to touch their hearts and steal some of their pain.  Supposedly life only gives you what you can handle.  I hope that is true and that those moms will move on with their lives.  I hope that someday they will stop feeling their own personal pain and will be able to say that they are happy too.
Until then, you are in my thoughts, my prayers, and my heart.