I often wonder if music affects others in the same way that it affects me. The right song can fill your soul. A familiar song can take you back to a place that it represents in your memory. A piece of music can completely change your mood in a moment. The funny thing is that it doesn't matter to me what kind of music it is. It could be classical or a song on the radio, but the right piece of music can stay in your heart forever.
I had never been to the symphony before and I really got the tickets because Chantal Kreviazuk was singing with the Saskatoon Symphony Orchestra. The music was beautiful. It was hard for me to decide if I should watch her sing or close my eyes and let my soul be filled by the sounds of the symphony. It was amazing how so many instruments could come together to make one unified sound. The music completely filled the room.
Music is therapeutic to me. When I was in the middle of the infertility experience I would lose myself in "Doesn't Remind Me" by Audioslave....wow, what a voice. The lyrics talk about all the things he likes because they don't remind him of anything. I was in the middle of an experience where everything I thought of or saw reminded me of babies, mothers, or pregnancy. "I like driving backwards in the fog because it doesn't remind me of anything."
I wouldn't have survived labour without music (or my husband...but that's not what this is about.) Songs like "Weak in the Knees" by Serena Ryder ("Would you mind if we pretend we're somewhere else?") or "Good Mother" by Jann Arden ("I've got a good mother and her voice is what keeps me here." "I've got a good father and his strength is what makes me cry.") The soothing sound of music and voices added a sense of relaxation to what I have to describe as a not very relaxing time. And I had plenty of time to listen to music....yes, plenty.
There wasn't much that made me feel better during the worst of my post partum depression. But, as usual, music could make its way through. I have to admit that I'm not a huge Adam Lambert fan but "What Do You Want From Me?" really expressed some of the things I was feeling. ("Just don't give up. I'm working it out. Just don't give in. I won't let you down. It messed me up. Need a second to breathe. Just keep coming around.") I felt like I was letting the world down...especially Scott and my kids...and I didn't want them to give up on me.
There is a piece of me in so many songs that I hear. So many memories built around music. Ben Harper-Beloved One. Chantal Kreviazuk-Feels Like Home. Loudon Wainright-Daughter. Sheryl Crow-Here Comes the Sun. Sheryl Crow-My Favorite Mistake. Metallica-Nothing Else Matters. Anna Nalick-Breathe. Wild Strawberries-I Don't Want to Think About it. Coldplay-Fix You.
Pieces of my life set to music.
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
-Chantal Kreviazuk
I LOVE Loudon Wainright's Daughter. I can never listen to it just once on my iPod. The was a picture of my little E in the newspaper during the Ex this year and she is walking in a big rain puddle. I wished that the newspaper could have played that sing when that page was turned to :)
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