Code T

The first thing I did that morning was the same thing that I had done every morning for at least a month.  I woke up and looked at the picture of the Inuit girl on my dresser.  We had never met but had talked on the phone a few times.  In the picture she was holding her beautiful son.  She was pregnant and unsure that she could take care of another child.  We had agreed that when the baby was born in late July, we would be there to adopt him or her.  She was nervous to tell her Grandmother of the adoption because she would need her approval to give up her child, but knew she didn't want to raise the baby herself.  I was sure the baby was going to be a boy and I couldn't wait to finally be his mother.  We had started meeting with our adoption counsellor to create our homestudy and had paid the retainer fee to our lawyer to finalize our adoption.  Although this was not the way we had imagined we would create our family, we couldn't have been more excited.  That particular day was sunny and warm.  I stopped at the mail and was excited that the baby bedding I had ordered from ebay had arrived.  It was orange, blue, and red and had alphabets and animals on it.  It was going to be adorable in the nursery that I had envisioned in my mind. Our birth mom didn't have a phone but could use one at the neighbours if she wanted.  She left a message with our friend from Nunavut saying that she wanted me to call her at the neighbours later that morning.  I went to work for a bit then headed out to my car and called her from my cell phone.  The lady that answered spoke little English but from what I understood our birth mom was there and had something important to say.  That lady was her Grandmother and the last thing she said was that she was sorry.  While I waited on the phone, the sky opened up and it began to pour.  It was raining so hard I could hardly see across the parking lot.  There were flashes of lightening and loud thunder.  Because of the sudden storm, I was having a hard time hearing our birth mom as she told me that she had changed her mind and had decided to keep the baby.  She was crying, I was crying, and the sky was crying.  I sat in the car for a while watching the storm and thinking about all the things that had changed in that moment.  We weren't going to be parents.  We had gotten our hopes up for nothing AGAIN.  We would have another Christmas without kids...and worse, another Mother's Day. (Mother's Day is actually a cruel cruel holiday!!) Everyone around me would have a family and we would not.  What was I ever going to do with that adorable baby bedding?  Eventually I decided I wouldn't be able to go back into work.  I started the car and headed towards City Hospital.  I had to tell Scott the bad news.  On the radio they were talking about the tornado warning in the city.  As I drove I became angrier and angrier.  I did not deserve this!!  I arrived at the hospital and had to wait for Scott.  The hospital kept announcing "Code T" on the sound system.  On a regular day I would have been scared, but that moment I thought to myself, "Mother Nature, bring it on!" I shared the sad news with Scott and headed home.  On the way home, I realized that nature had felt what I had that day.  Is it possible that I caused that "Code T"?