Ho'omaika'i 'Ana Ma Ka Hiki 'Ana Mai O Kau Kaikamahine

We were finally there.  We had driven the whole way without stopping.  Scott was fairly comfortable in our Jetta but because he is so tall, he always needs to get out every couple hours to stretch his legs.  It had been 8 hours without a stretch.  He was really stiff.  I hopped out and took off running.  Halfway across the parking lot I realized I had forgotten my camera and went running back.  Scott was finally out of the car and stretching.  I took off running again.  I had no idea which way to go and once I finally found a sign I realized we were going the wrong way.  I turned around to run the other direction and realized that Scott was hobbling toward me.  I ran by him in the other direction so he turned around to follow.  I yelled, "Hurry up!" on my way by.  I knew he was going as fast as he could, but this was important.  We found the elevator and took it to the right floor.  Finally we found the room and there she was.  This tiny, beautiful baby girl with an incredible head of black hair.  We both wanted to pick her up but both of us were too scared.  Scott finally picked her up and cuddled her.  I know at this moment he became her father.  I have the most wonderful picture of him feeding her for the first time.   The look on his face says it all....love, disbelief, complete amazement.  The hospital had no idea how to deal with adoptions.  They didn't have an extra room so Lily was staying with her birth mom.  It was really hard to leave the hospital that night.  At the hotel, I couldn't sleep.  I knew it was probably the last time I could have a good night sleep, but something didn't feel right.  I knew that Scott had become Lily's father that night, but because Lily's birth mom was cuddling her that night, I had not become her mother.  We spent the next day at the hospital.  Both Lily and her birth mom were ready to leave, but no one wanted to discharge us because it was the weekend and they wanted the hospital social worker to see us and make sure we weren't doing anything illegal.  It was a wonderful/horrible day.  Our daughter had been born and we got to spend the day with her, but her room was her birth mom's room.  She had just given birth and she had two strangers sitting in her room all day.  Our other option was to sit in the waiting room which was drafty and loud.  We went back and forth between the two feeling awkward in both.  We were anxious and Lily picked up on it.  She wouldn't sleep much and cried lots.  I was still happy but scared. Again we had to leave her at the hospital with her birth mom for the night.  Another sleepless night but at least we knew we could take her home tomorrow.  For now she was safe with her mother, but still that mother was not me.  The next day Lily had a bit of a fever so we had to make sure it was down before we could go. The social worker came and apologized for the awkwardness at the hospital.  And finally it was time to go! We placed our baby in her car seat for the first time.  She was so tiny.  We walked to the hospital entrance with Lily's birth mom.  We said our good byes to the kindest selfless woman I had ever met and walked to our car.  As I placed the car seat in our car I had a rush of emotion.  I got into the car and closed the door.  I didn't realize how hard I was crying until Scott asked me if I was okay.  And then I realized....that was the moment that I became a mother.