Random Rambles Regarding a Crazy Woman's Biological Clock

What's with this age and being able to forget all the difficulties of newborns?  Why is it that at precisely 15 months of age my brain begins to consider the possibility of another baby?  Is it because my brother and I are two years apart and I think that is a good amount of separation?  (I actually don't anymore, but I'll probably get to that later...no promises though.  This is a random ramble!) Or is it that I have returned to work and would rather be at home with my kids?  How do people know when they are done having kids?  Someone told me that it is when you stop looking at pregnant women with jealousy.  That's not it for me.  Pregnancy for me is just the route to having the child.  Don't get me wrong...I used to be so jealous of pregnant women that I actually hated them.  But I'm just not there anymore.  Knowing that I became a mother without being pregnant has taken the pressure off of the need to be pregnant.  I look enviously at the mothers of newborn babies.  And I'm not even a huge fan of newborns...I actually prefer 6 months and up.  But today I was looking through a parenting magazine and there were so many new neat ideas from Fisher Price.  My brain subconsciously said that I would get this really neat bassinet when I have my next baby.  Oh yeah...and that swing looks better than the one we have....and then WHAT AM I DOING?  I do know that when Lily was 15 months old I realized that another baby was not going to be provided via the stork and that we were going to have to try IVF again.  Once I convinced Scott to return to the fertility clinic we were on our way.
And speaking of convincing Scott....we have different personality types.  I think of a question and immediately require an answer.  Scott, on the other hand, likes to weigh our options and think things through.  His way is probably more sensible, but I have yet to lead him down the wrong path.  I do have to give him credit because he was the one that jumped at adopting Lily and he also was the one to decide to put down the registration fee for Jack's IVF cycle.  Maybe I should pay more attention to his ways...maybe he really does know what he is doing.  Wow....off topic once again.  The point of this paragraph was originally to say that Scott is done having kids.  We have a perfect family...a beautiful girl and a hilarious boy.  They play well together.  They love eachother.  They are healthy and happy.  Why would we want to ask for more? And by asking for more, there is a chance we would end up somewhere unplanned and that our wonderful family could be less wonderful because of it.  Scott is also terrified of another post-partum depression experience.  I shudder everytime I think of that part, but can't help but think that it was worth it everytime I look into Jack's big blue eyes.  (Oh yeah...and I think that the pressures of the biological clock and womanly hormones allow you to forget lots of things; depression, jaundice, vacuum, and stitches where the sun don't shine...just to name a few.) But one thing I do know is that I am no longer desperate to continue this journey to become a mother to more.  I have to respect Scott's opinion and I don't want to pressure him into anything he doesn't want.  And about the age thing....it looks to me that most parents of three of more have increased the age gap after the first two.  I think that's probably because they realize how hard it is to parent two really young kids at the same time.  If we do choose to have another I think I would want Jack to be at least three years old before we think about an addition.  Things became easier when Lily could put on her own boots and coat...and didn't want to be carried all the time.  That being said...we have tons of time to work it out.  Maybe in that time I will decide that this sense of peace isn't worth messing with.  Maybe Scott will decide that he wants a new baby to cuddle when our kids want to play more than snuggle.  We'll have to see.
In the meantime, I will continue to pay the fee to keep my popsicle babies on ice.  I can't imagine going through IVF again and really don't think that we will.  I also don't want to try naturally month after month.  But those two frozen embryos lead me to believe that eventually I would like to give them a chance.  The chances of those embryos becoming my babies are slim...the odds aren't great for frozen embryos...but I do know kids who started off that way.  I think eventually I would like to take a chance and let the powers that be decide what happens.  I worry that opening that door again would be a disaster...but that's just another part of this random ramble.
For now I think I will go peak in on my two sleeping babies and think about how lucky I am.  I will put the rest on the back burner for another day.