Have you seen the bank commercial where the woman leans over and tells the man that it is time...and the man has no idea what she is talking about. Then the banker whispers in his ear and he smiles. If this was real life, he wouldn't have smiled. Honestly.
Infertility means sex on demand and sex on demand makes for annoying and depressing sex. Sex with the flu, sex when you are hung over, sex when you have a headache (for real!)...eventually wears on you to a point where sex becomes the means to an end. It is no longer a way to connect with someone you love. It is something to be discussed with doctors and planned on charts. It becomes a chore.
And you can't let it go because after years of planning and obsessing, you are too scared to miss an opportunity in case the time really is now.
I'm not going to get into my sex life....something has to be private, but it is hard to get passed the memory of the organization. The opportunity to be spontaneous is foreign.
I think that there is something about being sexual beings that has to do with being fertile. A man feels like less of a man when his boys don't swim and a woman feels less womanly when her uterus is hostile. It is hard to get those things off your mind when you are obsessing constantly. And if you don't feel womanly (or manly) it is hard to be sexual.
I know this is an awkward conversational topic, but I don't want people to think that they aren't normal. Everything about infertility sucks....just put this on the list.
Isis is the goddess of motherhood, magic, and fertility. She is also the goddess of children from whom all beginnings arose. Isis is the goddess of my personal struggles in life. I want to portray moments or snap shots of my life in a humorous manner in hopes that sharing my experiences may decrease the pain of others in similar circumstances. The journey has many twists and turns but I hope all will find their successful end.
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